On the birth of Leonidas (part 3: the story of redemption)
Monday, December 11th is my Pop’s (Grandpa) birthday. On Thanksgiving he joked about me having Leo on his birthday and I thought, “there is NO way we are making it that long.” Joke’s on me… I woke up that morning and had a day full of baby appointments ahead of me. Because I was a week past my due date, Jonathan and Ellie came along for the ride - or rather Jonathan chauffeured us to all of my appointments.
First we went to see the chiropractor - something I always looked forward to. She adjusted me and felt my belly to see what position Leo was in. I was relieved to hear that he was facing backward, but slightly bummed to hear she didn’t think his head was engaged (in my pelvis, which helps with dilation). She told me not to bother booking another appointment for that week and booked my next appointment three weeks out because she really thought he would be coming soon.
Next we headed to a midwife appointment. This appointment would be a bit longer than normal because at a week past due, they start running tests to make sure the baby is doing well and the placenta is still functioning properly. We started with the midwife checking my cervix. I told her in advance that I didn’t want a membrane sweep, but that we could discuss it at my next appointment which was already scheduled for Thursday, should we make it that far. She checked me and said I was dilated to a four, 80% effaced, my cervix was “soft and squishy”, and that I would be so easy to do a membrane sweep on. I felt like part of the Lord’s challenge to me in resting and trusting was to not do anything to try to induce labor, so I declined the sweep. Next we did a sonogram to make sure I had enough amniotic fluid and to watch Leo practice breathing. Then we did a non-stress test where they hooked a fetal heart rate monitor on my belly and watched his heart rate variability for about 20 minutes. Everything checked out as good. When I was leaving, the midwife told me she didn’t think I would make it to my appointment on Thursday. I was excited to hear that, although I didn’t count on it…
We left the midwives office around 12:30 PM and headed to Chick-fil-a for lunch. The whole drive there I felt uncomfortable, but I couldn’t tell if it was contractions or Leo just moving around like crazy - elbowing, kneeing, and head-butting me in the bladder as he liked to do. We went in to Chick-fil-a, got our food, and sat down to eat. About two minutes later Jonathan looked at me and said, “Are you ok? You look really pale. Do we need to go home?” I told him no, I was hungry and needed to eat anyways. About a minute later he looked at me and said, “Are you sure you don’t want to go home?” To which I responded, “I think that would be best.” We left in a hurry and didn’t even clear our tray. I think that will haunt me for the rest of my life.
We drove home and Jonathan set Ellie and I’s food up in the kitchen. I spent the next 30 minutes or so going back and forth between eating and feeling like I needed to go to the bathroom. It was strange. I was still uncomfortable. After eating, around 2:15 PM, I climbed into bed while Jonathan put Ellie down for her nap. Not long after laying down, Leo stopped moving around like a madman and I could tell that I was in fact having contractions. I watched a movie (She’s the Man - iykyk) and ignored them since I had had plenty of prodromal labor at this point and didn’t want to get my hopes up. I texted my doula just to give her a heads up.
Around 3:30 PM I started realizing the contractions seemed to be following a consistent pattern. I started timing them just to see if they were worth paying attention to, and to my surprise they were pretty close to the 4-1-1 pattern that both my midwives and doula had instructed me to look for. 4-1-1 stands for contractions that are four minutes apart, lasting for a minute each, and that continue for an hour. At 4:00 PM I texted my doula again and she said the contractions were looking good and to keep her posted. Somewhere in there, we texted my Dad and asked him to come pick Ellie up, just in case. At 5:15 PM my doula texted me again to see how I was doing. I told her that the contractions had slowed down or become a bit more sporadic in the last 45 minutes, but that I had gotten up to go to the bathroom so maybe that had interrupted them? She told me to continue to rest and to eat something if I could in case this was the real deal. Right before 6:00 PM I texted her that I was starting to have back pain with some of the more intense contractions. She recommended I take a bath or shower, along with a few other things. I decided a shower sounded nice. At this point, I still wasn’t getting my hopes up that this was the real deal.
Pretty much as soon as I got out of bed things started to change. I had Jonathan come to the bathroom with me so that he could continue to time my contractions while I was showering. I didn’t know it because I wasn’t watching the clock, but my contractions were coming closer to two minutes apart. The contractions were pretty intense at this point, but the real kicker was I started feeling like I needed to poop each time I had a contraction. Thanks to all the research I had done this time around, I knew that that was a big sign that I was approaching the pushing phase. I think that’s the point at which I realized this was in fact the real deal. I was in actual labor! I was actually going to have Leo for real this time! Hallelujah!
At 6:25 PM my doula said to go ahead and call my midwives and that they would probably be ready for us to head that way. Jonathan urged me to finish up my shower quickly. He called the midwives and they recommended I stay in the shower another 30 minutes, but Jonathan and I both agreed that we needed to go to the birthing center then, no waiting. I got out of the shower and got dressed in an excited hurry. Jonathan packed up all the last minute items and we left our house at 6:50 PM. I couldn’t really believe how quickly things seemed to be progressing, but my body was telling me we were getting close. It’s weird how even though I had never made it this far in the birthing process before, I just knew it was time to head to the birthing center. There really is something to mothers’ intuition…
Jonathan put on the carefully curated birth playlist that I had created and I’m glad he did because it somehow made the ride more peaceful - well the time in between contractions, that is. The contractions were so intense that I couldn’t relax or breathe through them any longer. A contraction would come and I’d grip the car door handle and moan or utter something along the lines of, “oh Lord!” Then it would be over and I’d rejoin the world around me for a few minutes of relief before the next one started. The whole ride is kind of a blur. I didn’t really think I was going to have him in the car, but I also wasn’t 100% sure it wasn’t a possibility…
We got to the birthing center and the midwife on call checked me. She said I was dilated to a six or a seven and I honestly can’t remember what she said about my effacement or the state of my cervix. Apparently she said she could feel my amniotic sack coming out (I don’t remember that at all, but Jonathan told me so when I was retelling the story to a friend). She asked me if I wanted to labor at the birthing center for a bit longer before heading to the hospital, or to go ahead and head that way? I told her and Jonathan that we needed to go to the hospital, I didn’t think there was time to wait. Again, mothers’ intuition… As we were heading to the car, my doula pulled up into the parking lot - everything had gone so quickly, she didn’t even have time to meet us at our house!
We drove the few blocks down the street to the hospital and pulled into the parking garage. The next I don’t even know how many minutes of the story make me laugh because I envision it from the perspective of all of the strangers we passed on our way to the labor and delivery floor of the hospital. We got out of the car and I had a contraction in the middle of the parking garage. Then I made it to the elevator just in time for another one. Someone tried to get on the elevator with us and my doula and the midwife were kind enough to recommend they take another elevator. I had another contraction while we waited in line to check in at the hospital front desk. The line was surprisingly long and after a minute or two my doula recommended we just start walking down the hall and tell them where we were headed if they stopped us. Normally the people pleaser in me would sweat at just the thought of skipping the line, but this was one instance where I was willing to make an exception. Besides, they probably didn’t want me standing there, scaring away all the hospital visitors... I had another contraction or two in the hall on the way to the L&D elevator. Then at least one more while we checked in at the L&D front desk. They asked me if I wanted to walk or ride in a wheel chair to my room. I told them I would walk, and of course my room was the last room all the way at the other end of the hall. I had multiple contractions on the way there and remember stopping right in front of the nurses station for one of them. I’m sure it’s nothing they haven’t seen before, but it still makes me chuckle just thinking about it.
When we finally got to my room, they asked me if I wanted to go to the bathroom before climbing in bed. I think I told them no at first, then changed my mind since I was already up. I went into the bathroom, peed, and felt a “POP”! I immediately told Jonathan and my doula and whoever else was in the bathroom (I really don’t remember who all was there - it’s crazy how you kind of disengage from the world around you intermittently during labor), “My water just broke! And I’m feeling the urge to push!” Well that escalated quickly!
I’m pretty sure the midwife that was to deliver Leo walked into the room right about that time. She came into the bathroom and recommended I stay on the toilet for a couple more contractions. Then we moved to the bed and she recommended I start on my hands and knees, with my arms leaning on the raised part of the bed. I heard her say, “I’m going to check you if that’s ok?” and immediately thought, “Awe man, I’m probably not at a 10 yet. I’m probably going to have to wait to push.” I told her she could check me and in a cheery voice she said, “You’re at a 10! You can start pushing!” I was shocked. Again, with my first bieth I never dilated past a 5 and therefore I never got to the pushing phase. I couldn’t believe how quickly we had gotten there. I couldn’t believe that Leo was going to join us any minute. In case you forgot, I labored for 32 hours the first time before having the c-section. This time around, I felt like we had just gotten started! I couldn’t believe that it was all going to be over in the very near future.
I pushed on hands and knees for about 20 minutes. I don’t think I’ve ever sweated more in my entire life - and I used to coach at our warehouse gym in the middle of the Texas summer… The midwife was so encouraging and I think just a few pushes in she said she thought he could be here with the next push. She had to keep cueing me to close my mouth and hold my breath when I pushed, which was counterintuitive thanks to four plus years of intentional pelvic floor health training at the gym. I gave every push everything I had, then rested in between. Somewhere in there, the L&D nurse came over to put a hep-lock in my arm just incase we needed an IV port available. While it’s a minor thing, I remember being so uncomfortable when laboring during my first birth because of the hep-lock in my arm. It felt like I was being continually stabbed by a needle - because in a sense I was... I had hoped I wouldn’t need one this time around, but had already resolved that I would most likely end up getting one since we were giving birth in a hospital. I started having a contraction right before the nurse placed the port, she walked away to help with another task, and never came back to finish it! My doula told me later that the midwife had told her not to bother with it. Bless them both! The midwife and my doula continued to encourage me with each push and tell me that we were getting really close. I was both happy to hear it each time, but also disappointed with each push when he didn’t come out. But I kept telling myself, maybe the next one will be it!
We switched to a position where I laid on my side and pulled my top knee up with each push. After each pushing effort my back hurt intensely and my angel of a doula would rub out the pain. We tried that for about 20 minutes and then switched to a position with me laying flat on my back. I would pull both knees up into a squatting position with each push, then let them go straight again to rest in between pushes.
At this point I felt like I was loosing steam. My energy to push was fading and I told myself I needed to give each push everything I had. It’s funny because I never really doubted myself, which in my research about birth is apparently a very normal part of most womens’ natural birth experiences. Probably just because things had progressed so quickly and I never had time to worry about if I could keep going? Any time I would even start to think about how hard it was, my only thought was, “The only way out is through!”
I pushed on my back for about 20 minutes. The midwife kept commenting on how strong my pelvic floor was. I was very proud to hear it from her, considering I have worked very hard for many years to make that the case. But I have also heard that while CrossFitters tend to do better in the early phases of labor, they also tend to struggle more in the pushing phase and often tear because they don’t actually know how to relax their pelvic floors. I’ve also spent years training my pelvic floor to relax, but definitely carried a lot of fear about tearing into this birth. With each push, my doula, the midwife, and the L&D nurse got excited. But with each push, I couldn’t feel a difference. I felt like nothing was happening and it was taking forever. At one point the midwife asked if I wanted to reach down and touch his head. I didn’t want to make any extra movements so I said no thank you. Then she asked if it would help if I saw a picture of his head and I said sure. She snapped a picture of my downstairs with his head crowning and showed it to me. It was truly wild seeing it. After he was born, the L&D nurse commented on how amazing it was that I sat there with him crowning for 10 minutes and wasn’t screaming the whole time. I don’t know how many more pushes it was before he came out after that. But after about 20 minutes of pushing on my back, at 9:19 PM, our Leonidas Nathanael de Friess was born! 9 lbs. 3 oz. AND I DIDN’T TEAR! Praise Jesus, Hallelujah! I could not believe it when they told me that. I thought, “NO way.” (Here’s my shameless plug to join the Bloom class at our gym where you will learn how to contract and relax and strengthen your pelvic floor ladies!)
Leo came out and they placed him on my chest. I told myself the work wasn’t over yet - I still had to push the placenta out. My research told me it could take up to an hour and some hard work, but mine came out in 5 minutes with only the tiniest push to get it out. Yet another small but significant blessing in the story. I held my son as they cleaned him off. I think I just kept saying, “I can’t believe he’s here!” over and over. Because I really could not believe how quickly it had all progressed. Around 8 hours earlier I was sitting at Chick-fil-a! Now I was holding my son in my arms.
As I mentioned earlier, one of my big fears was having to be on antibiotics. My plan had been to hold off until my water broke and then make a decision on if I should start taking them at that point. I literally said to the midwives and my doula in the weeks leading up to Leo’s birth, “Hopefully my water won’t break until I’m pushing him out and the antibiotics won’t be necessary”. Technically my water broke and then I immediately started feeling the urge to push. But thanks be to God, I didn’t need antibiotics. The blessings in the details of Leo’s birth just kept piling up.
The hours after Leo’s birth were such a joy filled experience. For one, I was fully awake, fully aware, fully alive. With my first birth, I remember the c-section and holding Ellie for a few minutes afterwards. There are photos and a video from right afterwards when we were in the recovery room before they wheeled me to the postpartum wing, but I don’t know if I actually remember that time or if it’s the pictures that gave me a memory of it. I don’t remember when my memory stopped that night and I don’t remember when it picked back up the next day. But I have a chunk of time that I literally don’t remember. With Leo, I was laughing and celebrating with everyone in the room. I was even alert enough to realize that my L&D nurse was actually a student I had once known when I was a leader at my church’s youth group! It was just another sweet little detail that the Lord had orchestrated to make the whole experience good - redemptive, peaceful, joyful, hopeful good! She was absolutely wonderful, by the way. I felt just as supported by her as I did by my doula and midwife. My faith in nurses was restored.
By the time we got around to looking at food delivery options, most of the good places were already closed. Our options were pretty much fast food, so of course I thought of the other best fast food place aside from Chick-fil-a - In and Out. To our disappointment, none of the food delivery services would deliver from there, so we started thinking about who we could text to pick it up for us. Of course my sister Janae was the first person who came to mind. We texted her and got an immediate, “YES” back from her. Sure it was after 10 PM, but newborn nephew snuggles are a pretty fair trade I would say. Janae brought us food and I’d say we did Leo right for his birthday - Chick-fil-a AND In and Out in the same day!? Yes please! You know what they say… Raise em’ right!
We moved to our postpartum room and continued to revel in it all. I kept telling everyone that I just couldn’t believe how easy it was. Don’t get me wrong, the contractions sucked! And the pushing was the hardest part. But after such a long, painful, exhausting, discouraging experience with my first birth, Leo’s just felt too easy. I still couldn’t believe he was already here! It was over. All the months of worrying and preparing were over! To be honest, it was the kind of birth story that used to piss me off. It just didn’t seem fair that some people had such beautiful, quick, easy births when I had had such a rough experience. I believed some people had births like that, but it would never happen for me. And here I was - drinking a chocolate milkshake and holding my newborn son in my arms. It’s been five weeks and still can’t believe it. (I started writing this blog like a month ago and it’s been slow going… You know how it is when you have a newborn.) Aside from having a pain-free birth, which I think is a very rare occurrence, I don’t think I could have dreamed up a better birth experience. I can’t quite come up with the words to describe how thankful I am to the Lord for giving me a truly redemptive birth experience. But He didn’t just stop there.
We are now five weeks out and there have been many more blessings along the way. Leo took to breastfeeding immediately. Nursing had been a struggle the first time around and Ellie lost weight very quickly, which was quite stressful. Leo hasn’t had any issues with nursing - so much so that he also sleeps like a champ. He has consistently slept 4 hour stretches - day and night. At just a few weeks old he slept 7 hours straight and I woke up feeling - dare I say - rested. Since then he has even given us a few nights of 8 hours of straight sleep. What newborn sleeps like that?! My little Leo lion does. I want to post about it on social media because I’m so proud of him, but I’m pretty sure I’d get kicked out of all the mommy support groups I’m in… To say I feel blessed in an understatement.
A common question we keep getting is, “How is Ellie doing with the adjustment”? Once again, the Lord has blessed us. To be honest, I thought the adjustment was going to be rough for Ellie. I expected her to be jealous for our time and to one way or another tell us that she didn’t want Bubba sticking around. But much to my surprise, she has done great! She thinks he is cute, loves his “fuzzy black hair”, and gives him kisses on the head. She loves to give him his papsi (the word Ellie coined for pacifier) when he is crying. And she has yet to do anything that feels like she’s in competition with him. She is definitely a Daddy’s girl and I was also worried she would have a tough time adjusting to Jonathan going back to work. But once again, she surprised me and has been handling it well.
Another thing God is redeeming is my relationship with my body. I struggled for over a year after my first pregnancy and birth to accept my postpartum body. I had fully believed that I was going to “bounce back”, a term I have come to hate. When I didn’t lose all of my belly quickly and I wasn’t able to perform in the gym like I wanted to, I began to really dislike my body and the way I looked. This time I feel differently. Sure I would love to have my body look the way it did before having babies - I’d be a liar if I denied that. But when I look in the mirror and my mind starts to want to critique what it sees, I gently remind myself of the beautiful work that my body has been doing for the past 10 months and the life-giving work that it is still doing in breastfeeding. I partnered with God in creating a new life - how crazy and cool and mind-blowing is that!? And now my body is literally producing food for a tiny human… also crazy and cool and mind-blowing. I still have moments of wishing I saw something different when I look in the mirror, but for the most part, the Lord is redeeming my relationship with my body in replacing criticism with appreciation.
Another area that the Lord has redeemed my ability to trust Him is in not struggling with postpartum anxiety like I did last time. I remember being afraid to leave Ellie alone in another room. I remember holding my breath when other people were holding her and not supporting her head in the way I thought they should be. I remember dreading going to sleep because it meant I couldn’t constantly watch her. I remember checking her every time I woke up to make sure she was still breathing. The first night that we were home from the hospital with Leo, I started feeling that same dread as bedtime approached. I started feeling the anxiety creeping in and that’s when I stopped and reminded myself that I could trust the Lord. He had already proven that in Leo’s birth. I went to bed that night without postpartum anxiety ruling my heart and mind.
I’ve been working on this blog for over a month now, and as I reread it, words just don’t do it justice. I wish you could feel the significance of every little detail and the ways in which God’s grace and blessings have encouraged my faith. This time around, I knew I didn’t deserve any particular outcomes - because I don’t deserve anything. But God was kind enough to give me what I hoped for - and more! I’ve shared my story in hopes that it will encourage you - in whatever it is that you hope for. Regardless of how things go, I’ve learned that God is good both in the withholding and in the redemption. My first birth was a story of withholding my desires so that I could be developed through my struggles. My second birth is a story of redemption of my desires so that my trust in the Lord would be restored. I wish you could understand just how much Leo’s birth, breastfeeding, and my postpartum experience so far have healed my heart. But I suppose that what I feel is in some ways only for me. My experience is my experience and it’s meant to be a part of my personal journey with a personal God. He is not some far away deity that cannot be reached. He is a loving Father and Friend that wants to step down into our situation and walk through life closely with us.
So there you have it folks - the most beautiful story of God’s redemption - both in Leo’s birth and my trust in Him. I’m a list person, so here is a “sparknotes” list of some of the ways in which He has so kindly blessed me:
I feared needing an induction. I went into labor naturally.
I feared needing antibiotics because they could cause gut issues for Leo and I. My water didn’t break until the pushing phase, which rendered antibiotics unnecessary.
I didn’t want a heplock, simply because they are uncomfortable. Everything happened so fast that my midwife rendered it unnecessary.
I feared a long labor - something I had experienced before with my first birth (32 hours to be exact). Everything happened in roughly 9 hours, but it had really only been about 6 hours since I started timing my contractions.
I was afraid of tearing. I had a 9 lb. 3 oz. baby and didn’t tear!
I was worried about giving birth in a hospital and having to advocate for myself for a natural childbirth. The nurses were so supportive of my desires and I felt not only respected, but like they were on my team.
I was worried about breastfeeding. Leo took to it immediately and continues to eat like a champ.
Added bonus blessing - Leo eats so well that he consistently sleeps 4 hour stretches. For the most part he only wakes up once in the night to feed. At the time of me writing this, we are about 5 weeks out and he has given us multiple nights of 8 hours of straight sleep!
I was worried about how Ellie would do with the transition. She has handled it beautifully.
Another added bonus blessing - Leo is genuinely just all around an easy baby. He doesn’t cry much except when he wakes up hangry and when he needs help falling asleep. Other than that, he’s a pretty happy, chill dude.
I really struggled with accepting and loving my postpartum body after my first pregnancy. This time I have appreciated all that my body did to bring a baby into the world and all that it is still doing to provide for him.
I was overwhelmed with postpartum anxiety when we brought Ellie home from the hospital. This time I trusted the Lord and it’s been a much more peaceful transition.
