On decluttering

Jonathan and I have been decluttering our house lately. We’ve always loved the idea of minimalistic living, but over time our desire for the simplicity of it has grown. Jonathan has been reading a book on how to declutter your house, and we have been attacking it one room at a time.

Yesterday I began on the most overwhelming room of the house: our master closet. Our house has a stupidly large master closet when compared to the rest of the house’s storage space. We don’t have a coat closet or a linen closet, but our master closet is the size of one of my apartment bedrooms in college. It has a built-in bookshelf as well as the regular above clothing storage shelves. This has been home to my 32 years of sentiment, shoved in miscellaneous boxes without labels. To be completely honest, there is a box that I have zero idea what is in it. Last night I opened one of the boxes, unpacked a few items, packed them back up, and shoved it back on the shelf for later. The task of unpacking childhood memories and deciding what stays and goes was too much for the moment. But this morning I am thinking about it with new eyes.

One of the boxes contained quite a few soccer jerseys from my elementary school years. What am I going to do with those? I am obviously never going to wear them again. I’m not going to frame them. Ellie really has no use for them now and by the time they would fit her, she’ll probably have her own soccer jerseys to wear. I also found team soccer pictures. I know what I’ll do - Ditch the jerseys and keep the pictures. 

Speaking of pictures, I have piles and piles of miscellaneous photos from the days when we used to actually print them. Some of them I actually like, but a lot them of aren’t even pictures I care to keep. But the mental task of sorting them is overwhelming, so they all sit in dusty little piles. It got me to thinking about how rarely I even look through old photos, which made me think about how pointless it is to keep them if I don’t care to look at them. 

Then it made me think of what I would actually care to keep of Ellie’s as she grows. Which made me think of how the youth of today won’t need their parents to keep the outfits they came home from the hospital in because they will have every single outfit they ever wore documented in digital photo and video form. Which made me think about how the photos I have of Ellie are probably the one thing I would really like to keep. But then I thought about how my phone is glitching daily because the 27,750 (I’m not joking, that is the ACTUAL number) photos and videos I have saved on my phone right now are taking up all the available memory. I have 10 versions of every photo of Ellie. Which made me think about how while I do enjoy scrolling back through photos of her life, I will NEVER have the time, energy, or effort to truly enjoy all of them. Which made me think about the actual point of me writing this blog…

What would it be like to live life to the fullest in the present? I love looking at those photos of Ellie. But she will never be that small again and holding on to pictures of her won’t ever actually give me back that moment. I’m not saying photos aren’t special and worth keeping or that they don’t give us a piece of those special moments. But I am wondering if it’s possible to be so in love with the present version of my life that I no longer feel the need to hold on to the past so tightly?

“You’ll miss these days!” “Cherish every moment!” “Don’t blink or you’ll miss it!” I would be a rich woman if I had a dollar for every time someone with older kids told me to cherish these years when Ellie is young. And I am trying my best to do so because I know they are right - it does go by so quickly. And in a lot of ways it’s already breaking my heart that she’s not that tiny little baby anymore. But I also think this current phase of Ellie’s development is the most fun phase yet and I’m trying to soak it in. Every phase is precious and I know it will go by quickly. But what if 20 years from now I could look back with joy, not a twinge of sadness, knowing I lived every moment to the fullest along the way? 

I’m not trying to say it’s bad to miss things in the past or trying to shame anyone for feeling that way. But I’m wondering if there’s a way to enjoy the journey so much that I can look at the past with joy, rather than longing. Memories are beautiful, but so is living in the present. 

Tiny baby shoes are precious. But they will mean more on the feet of my future grandchildren than sitting in a dusty old box in the top of my closet for me to give to Ellie when she moves out after college. Pictures are wonderful, but not when there are 27,750 of them clogging up my phone memory. And this one gets me deep - keepsakes from my Grandpa who passed away are sentimental. But as a friend told me recently about her approach to decluttering after her parents passed away - it won’t bring him back. Perhaps a better way to honor his memory is to live a life of integrity with a strong work ethic and deep love for family, like he always did. I’d rather fill my mind and heart with the characteristics he passed on to my father, who then passed them on to me, rather than fill my closet with his old belongings.

God gave us the amazing gift of memory. I don’t have to hold on to things when I can hold on to the actual memories themselves. I also know there are times when I mourn the memories that I can no longer recall. I’ve lived a lot of life and sometimes I wish I could remember more of my childhood. But I can let go of even my sadness of lost memories if I can learn to simply appreciate them as a step in the process to where I am now. Yes, rec soccer taught me about hard work and teamwork and competition. But I don’t need to keep the jerseys or photos or be able to recall memories of games to appreciate those things - I use those skills in my everyday life. I appreciate them for what they have become and how they serve me now, not for how they helped my team win a few games.

We only get to live once and we can’t go back in time. I want to enjoy every moment to the fullest so that when I hang up my hat for the last time, I can smile, knowing I didn’t miss any of the experiences God had for me. It’s easy to miss the past, or look forward to the future, but I’m trying to embrace the now.

I don’t know if it’s possible to truly live life in a way that I never look back with a sense of longing. If I’m honest, I’ll probably always long for those moments when Ellie was a newborn asleep on my chest. But I do want to try my best to be present in my life right now. I wish I could give you a list of practical ways to stay more engaged in the present moment, but I’m still at the beginning of this thought. The only thing I know will help for sure is for me to put my damn phone away more often - which I have been trying to do and seeing the fruit of. But other than that, this blog is really just the seed of an idea. I’ll keep you posted if I come up with any other great ideas. And I’d love to hear your ideas in the comments!

So I think I’ll give that box in my closet another shot today during Ellie’s nap with a new perspective. Keep the things that mean something to me. But let go of things that aren’t going to add anything but clutter to my life now. Then when Ellie wakes up, we’ll go play outside and enjoy right where we are at that moment in time. This life is a blessing, and I want to enjoy every second of it. We’re not promised tomorrow, but we do have this moment right now. Let’s make the most of it!