On feminism and the Barbie movie

So here’s the deal: I’ve spent far too many years afraid to speak up on the things that I believe or that matter to me. And at 32 and a half years old, I’m finally done living that way. I am FINALLY learning to love myself more than the opinions of others and to walk confidently in the person that God created me to be. I’ve never been a confrontational person, in fact, I’ve avoided it like the plague for my entire life. But it’s amazing what a really great therapist and the freeing work of the Lord in your life can do. And so here I am, ready to pick a fight with the feminists AND Barbie movie lovers of the world. (I’m not actually trying to fight anyone… I just want to share my perspective on things and I recognize that some people may find my perspective offensive. If you happen to feel offended after reading this blog, please feel free to reach out to me - I’d love to have a respectful conversation and learn more about your perspective on things.)

I’ll start with my general consensus on the Barbie movie: I am not a fan. As any good millennial female, I was excited to see the movie. I love Margot Robbie and Ryan Gosling (The Notebook will forever be the best Nicholas Sparks movie). I played with Barbies well past the age of it being socially acceptable (and blamed it on my 7 years younger sister). I was looking forward to a cute, lighthearted, nostalgic chick flick. What I got instead was most accurately described by my sister as, “whiplash between funny Barbie-isms and aggressive social and political statements.” I left feeling disappointed, confused, and misrepresented.

I’ll pause here to say off the bat, I am writing this blog knowing that I may have entirely misunderstood the meaning and intent of the movie. I have never enjoyed movies that make you really think, like Inception or Interstellar… I watch movies to relax, laugh, and generally speaking feel good about life. I prefer stories where the guy gets the girl, the villain loses and the hero wins, and the endings are happy, as well as predictable. I left the Barbie movie feeling like they were making strong anti-male, pro-feminism statements, and I expressed to a friend after watching it that I think I missed a lot of other things they were trying to say in all the back and forth of the whiplash. So knowing that I am not always right and I perhaps misunderstood the entire film, here are my thoughts on feminism and the Barbie movie. And if I did completely miss the mark, I still think it’s worth recognizing that whatever they meant to say, this is how it was received, at least by one person…

So what is a feminist, really? No really, how do you define it? Because I’ve been kind of confused about it for years now. I just looked it up on Dictionary.com and it says, “advocating social, political, legal, and economic rights for women equal to those of men.” Well if that’s the case, call me a feminist. I mean I also looked up the definition of advocate and I can’t say I publicly taking action on it so maybe I’m not quite a full-fledged feminist. But do I believe that men and women were created with equal innate value and deserve to be treated with equal respect and love and care? Absolutely. Do I think men and women both create value and bring something unique and important to every realm of our society - social, political, legal, and economic - and therefore should be equally honored, respected, and included in those realms? Absolutely. Do I think there have been huge discrepancies in the equal representation of men and women in those realms in the past and in a lot of ways in the present? Absolutely. But do I believe some people have taken the whole feminism thing wayyyy too far to the other end of the spectrum? Absolutely.

While I don’t disagree with the actual definition of feminism, I think there are a lot of damaging and dangerous beliefs and behaviors that often accompany it. I posed the question, “How do you define it (feminism)” earlier because I feel like we all have a slightly different perception of it. Here are some of the things I perceive to go along with feminism, based of the “vibes” I get from those who claim to be feminists (a very scientific approach to all this, I know…) I will also share my thoughts on how the Barbie movie affirmed these beliefs and behaviors as I go.

One: a strong distaste for, anger and bitterness towards, and/or just generally speaking negative perception of men. Maybe this is just my experience with the feminists that live in my little corner of the world. But when I hear them speak, I often see a lot of hurt, pain, and anger towards men as a whole gender. I never want to be insensitive to the hurt and pain of others. Maybe a lot of feminists have been legitimately hurt, repressed, and/or abused by men and that’s where it stems from. For those of you who that is the case, I am so sorry for everything you have been through, truly. I think the man or men who treated you that way should be held accountable for their actions. But I don’t believe a whole gender should be blamed for the harmful actions of a few. Women have just as much of a potential to hurt men as the reverse. It’s simply not ok to demonize an entire gender. I think this negative perception of males in general was very prevalent in the Barbie movie. It was shown in the mob of ridiculous Mattel executives. In the Kens subjecting the Barbies to giving foot rubs, handing out beers, and wearing maids outfits (all stereotypical and degrading “make me a sandwich woman” type behaviors). And it was even in the depiction of America Ferrera’s husband (a white man who is shown struggling to pronounce Spanish words) throughout the movie. I feel like there was an underlying level of disrespect toward males that I did not appreciate.

Two: a desire for reverse discrimination. I just Googled “reverse discrimination” not knowing if it was an actual term. Turns out it is - and it defines exactly what I was hoping to describe: “the practice or policy of favoring individuals belonging to groups known to have been discriminated against previously.” Like I said, I think there have absolutely been (and still are) discrepancies in the representation of men and women in many important arenas of life. But I often get the feeling that feminists don’t just want equal representation - they want to entirely own the representation. I think this point was shown in the Barbie movie at the end where the Barbies executed their plan to completely overthrow the Kens and reclaim complete control of Barbieland. You know, with the entirely female congress… You know what I think would have been a much better ending? If they had decided that it could be Barbie AND Ken Land. Everyone could have been given equal value and representation and dignity. And if you want to come at me with, “yeah, but that was the whole point of Barbie telling Ken he needed to find himself apart from her, and his struggle with being Kenough…” I don’t feel like that small part of the movie counteracted the major anti-patriarchy message of the whole film. Or was I the only one walking out with those vibes? The points I want to make are these: Seeking revenge for past wrongs is never going to fix things. Subjecting a whole gender to paying for the wrongs of a few isn’t justice at all. And trying to make up for a lack of power by overpowering others is just doing the exact same thing that you claim to hate to someone else. And none of these lead to a better, more equal future.

Two side notes about the ending of the movie: Why did the Barbies have to use manipulation and deception to overthrow the Kens? If you’re trying to create a movie that lifts women up, let’s come up with a better method of achieving our goals… And more on the Kenough thing - it seemed like they were trying to say that nobody cared about Ken. I beg to differ. We only had one Ken doll and my sister and I fought every damn time over who got to play with him. I had a friend who wanted a Ken doll so badly that she turned one of her Barbies into a weird Barbie - cutting all the hair off so she could pretend it was a Ken. Ken was well loved in our household. Also, considering Barbie dolls were meant for young girls, would it really have been appropriate for Ken to be more emphasized? Five-year-olds don’t really need to spend their time thinking about romantic relationships. They should focus on building healthy, positive female friendships. Also, they did create a doll entirely dedicated to males and his name is G.I. Joe…

Three: a victim mentality. The monologue, oh the famous monologue. Am I the only one who didn’t love it - or agree with it? America made some legitimate points. I think some of what she said is true. But why is there such a strong message of, “it’s so hard to be a woman” going around? Here’s the things: It IS hard to be a woman. But you know what, it is ALSO hard to be a man. You want to know some of the things that I think are hard about being a woman? Being pregnant. Birthing a baby. Nursing. Or being devastated at the fact that your body is unable to do those things if you are dealing with infertility, birth complications, or nursing issues. Those are all things that ONLY women can do. (Although I did see an interview recently talking about how some men are taking medication that allows their nipples to produce some form of liquid that they are then feeding to newborn babies. I am not even going to get started about how absolutely ludicrous and disgusting and criminal this is. Those poor infants are being subjected to ingesting a medically induced, completely unnatural liquid. It honestly makes me absolutely enraged and sick to my stomach just thinking about it. But I’m not even going to get started on that...) But back to the Barbie movie… I’m tired of this woo is me, women have it the hardest, nothing is ever fair, we can never win mentality. Am I arguing with the “fact” that women probably deal with more discrimination than men in the social and political realms? No, I’m not going to say it’s not true. What about the economic and legal realms? I can’t say for sure, but I would actually dare to say females may have the upper hand in these areas, at least in the United States. How much financial assistance does a single mother get compared to a single father when their income can’t cover the bills? - I truly don’t know the answer to this question, but I do feel like I hear much more about programs to help single mothers and their kids out than single fathers. And how often does the mother get more custody in a divorce? I’m not saying women don’t have it tough, I’m just saying can we stop throwing a pity party and start acknowledging that everyone has it hard in one way or another? On that point, you want to know some things I think are tough about being a man? Having to miss out on time with your family so that you can work hard to provide for them. Feeling responsible for the protection of your family. Living in a society that is currently attacking your masculinity and with a whole group of people wanting to subject you to discrimination based on the mistakes of others. Obviously there are situations where a women work just as much as men - or are the sole provider for their families. There are single mothers who play the role of mother and father, as there are single fathers who must do the same. I get that all of these are generalizations and assumptions. But again, my point is that choosing to have a victim mentality does not help create equality - which is the supposed goal of feminism. Choosing to see men as the enemy or oppressor is never going to help create unity or progress.

Another thing I’d like to discuss to expand on my last point: I believe that God created two separate genders on purpose, with purpose. I think the differences between men and women are intentional, in our DNA, not some construct of modern society or some outdated religious concept. I think the differences between men and women are beautiful, meant to strengthen us, meant to be celebrated - not a problem, meant to weaken one gender, meant to be despised. While once again these are generalizations and I recognize we all carry these traits in us to some extent, I think it’s also true that men and women tend to carry certain traits more strongly than the opposite gender. Men have an innate the desire to protect, to provide, to explore. Women have an innate desire to nurture, to create a safe home environment, to care for others. When men and women pursue these desires and work together, everyone is taken care of and important needs are met. Again, I’m not saying we don’t all possess each of these traits to some extent - I know full and well the desire to protect my daughter as a full fledged Mama Bear - but even that’s different than the fact that it’s mostly men who choose to go to war. My point, once again, is that we are all - men and women - created with value in our own unique ways and I believe our differences should bring us together to work in unity toward equality, not pit us against each other as if we are enemies. Also, if we were all truly supposed to fill the exact same roles in society, why would God bother creating two separate genders in the first place?

I hung out with a friend of mine earlier today and she added even another thought to my mind about the “it’s men vs. women” narrative. We were talking about the monologue and she shared the idea that women actually struggle a lot more with comparing themselves to other women than they do with having to meet the expectations of men. That that is the actually hard thing about being a woman. And I think she’s right. Is it really men that tell us we have to be “thin, but not too thin”? Or is it our own minds telling us we have to measure up to a standard based off how other women look? Are men really the enemy trying to repress us and force us into all these boxes while they get a free pass? Or are we the ones setting all these impossible expectations for ourselves - and then blaming men for it? Just food for thought…

So why did I feel the need to write this blog? Do I think my thoughts and opinions are ground-breaking? Absolutely not. Do I think I’m someone special and others should want to hear what I have to say? Absolutely not. To be honest, I’ve been asking myself why I felt the need to write a blog that I know could potentially hurt the feelings of people I love dearly or provoke angry responses? And I just finally figured it out. I feel like the Barbie movie is meant to represent my generation. Of course Barbie has been around a lot longer than I have, and she’s still going strong today. But I feel like this film was created for all the millennial girls out there who grew up on Barbie. And (assuming I actually did understand the statements that they were trying to make) I strongly disagree with a lot of what was represented in the movie. I guess I just want to let people know that not everyone in my generation supports a “male vs. female” narrative. That it’s possible to fully support the equality of men and women, without it being painted as a battle between the two. That the answer to reaching equality is in working together, not waging a war.

I want end by acknowledge that I’m saying all these things coming from my own unique perspective and life experiences, as is every single person on earth when sharing literally any thought or opinion. I am fortunate enough to say my experiences with men have been mostly positive. I have a father who loved and protected me and made me feel safe and accepted growing up. I have a loving, supportive husband who values me for who I am. I have had many male bosses who believed in me, gave me opportunities to grow, and trusted me with responsibility in what I did. Our gym is full of men who cheer us women on in our athletic journeys, as well as life in general. My community is full of loving, supportive men who wish the best for me. So everything I have said is coming from a lifetime of positive experiences with men. I do want to acknowledge, again, that I know this has sadly not been the case for all women. Many women have had terrible, damaging, and even dangerous experiences with men. And if that is you, please know I am not trying to negate your experience or disregard your very legitimate pain. I see you and I feel for you and I genuinely care for you. I also feel like I need to say that at the end of the day, we all have a choice. Regardless of our experiences, we can choose to let them harden our hearts in bitterness, or lead us to finding true freedom and healing. We can choose to stay victims, or we can choose to take ownership of the things we can control and contend for our own mental and emotional health. If you get nothing else out of this blog, please know I really do care about your pain, I am rooting for you to find healing and freedom in your own journey, and I share my thoughts not to condemn you for your own.

All that being said, I think the one thing we can all agree on is that Dua Lipa’s “Dance the Night Away” is a real bop.